Scratch that. I finally deleted THEIR voicemails.
I recently decided to pass my iPhone on to my kid after I upgrade to an iPhone 6 (whenever it comes out). So naturally, I started looking through all that’s accumulated in my beloved smart phone during the last couple of years.
I take photos all the time, but my Camera Roll and other albums won’t be hard to clean out since my photos are regularly backed up to Dropbox and laptop.
J will prolly want to get rid of many of the apps I have on here tho… I have zero games… but plenty of reading, productivity, and other boring apps. Yeah, he’s gonna factory reset it.
I then browse over to my voice mail folder and… OMG messages from 2011?? I very reluctantly look at whose voices I’ve been saving and…
MOTHER TRUCKER… WHY THE FORK DO I STILL HAVE THESE?!??
And here comes the confession. I knew they were there. Sweet voices of boyfriend after boyfriend after… leaving me their “Hey, baby!” “I miss you, doll!” and “I want to hear your voice, beautiful!”… one on top of the other like clothes-you-can’t-fit-into-anymore-so-you-let-them-pile-up-on-your-closet-floor-because-you’ll-probably-maybe-most-likely-fit-into-it-again-later.
It’s crazy because not once did I listen to them after the relationship ended. And it’s not like I wanted those connections back in my life. I didn’t… and still don’t. I guess the truth is, I was protecting the moments when those who broke my heart made me feel loved and beautiful. I wanted to remember that even the worst of them once thought I was special.
And then without listening to a single one, I deleted them. I realized I don’t need old voice mails to reassure me I was valued by someone. Because you know what? My value doesn’t decrease each time someone walks out of my life… and I don’t need something outside myself to remind me what I’m worth.