So this is my 1st day since I’ve made the decision to finally accept that J’s dad no longer wants a married life with me…
Let’s see… what’d I do…?
Cry. Talked to my friends and… cried. Tried to get some work done… as I cried. Then cried some more. Cried as I was getting ready to get my son from school. One of the dads at the school asked me on a date (just trying to make me laugh)… and I cried (no offense). Collected J & M… drove M home… had a very pleasant chat with my son on the ride home… Talked about his day some more as he enjoyed his after school snack. Studied mad-minute, read a few books together, and he wrote in his journal. Then I got his dinner ready… while I cried. Had dinner together as J shared more of his day & “life-plans” with me… got him ready for bed… said our prayers… read one more book together… and now he’s sleeping. I’m not crying now tho… Hopefully, that’s the end of it… but I am very sad.
I cried just as much… for weeks… when he first left, but it was a panicked, confused, angry, desperate kinda cry. This time around, it feels like someone died… where I have absolutely no say over the outcome… a very real, permanent loss.